On the plane home from the Philippines I spent a lot of time thinking. I didn’t know how bad my knee was, but I knew worse case scenario I would need immediate surgery. This was a gut check moment for me: if I did need surgery did I still want to keep playing and if the answer was yes what was my motivation. So how did I find the answers to these questions? I wrote myself a scribble, not a letter, just my thoughts about how I felt and what I wanted in life.
When I started college at UNCG I took English 101. My teacher, Ms. Whiteside, encouraged us to write. Sometimes with a purpose and sometimes just to put our thoughts on paper. I started to do this and found that when making a decision if I put all my thoughts on paper I could re-organize them at a later time. During the class, I found that I often wrote my thesis in my conclusion and it was only by fully processing all my ideas did I get to the point. When scribbling to myself on the plane I found the same thing.
I wrote a couple of pages of scribbles in my rugby journal. I didn’t self-edit and let my ideas flow. I re-read my scribbles after a meal, a snooze and a couple of movies. The first line I wrote was ” It’s my passion. After Julie & Brynn, rugby is my priority. I want to achieve my dream of playing rugby at the highest level I can achieve.” and the last was “I play rugby because I love the game: the physicality, the strategy, the battle, the brotherhood, the opportunity to show out and the ability to conquer my fears (getting hurt and failure).” This is my passion.
So spend some time being honest and write your thoughts out. Read it later, you may be surprised about what you think.